Editor’s note: This article is a humor column.
My name is Peter Paint Can, though my friends call me Mr. Petester Poker God Painty for short. For the past two decades, I’ve called the top shelf of my fraternity’s liquor cabinet home.
I first came to the University in ‘04 as a brightly-labeled product straight from the Super Save Mart. I had the whole world in front of me. Since then, the years have passed me by, and all I have to show for them are a faded label, a curdled interior and an unsuccessful week-long relationship. She was a bottle of Don Julio and was understandably out of the house quickly. I was last seen in action seven years ago during our body painting mixer with Tri Felt. It has been a lonely life since then…